“No”: Why Our Training Isn’t 100% Positive—And Why That’s Kinder

Teaching dogs how to settle and relax is a priority @thedogcalmer

At thedogcalmer, we love “yes”. We also believe a, consistent “no” has a rightful place in kind, ethical training. A dog that understands both is a dog welcome in society.

If there’s one thing that sets our complete training programme apart, it’s this: we don’t promise that every moment will be “positive” in the simplistic sense. Telling owners that dogs can be raised without ever meeting a boundary is like saying you can bring up a child without ever saying “no”. It isn’t realistic, and it doesn’t lead to mutual respect or understanding.

Our promise:

What we do promise is clarity, kindness and consistency. We teach you what a calm, consistent no looks like in dog language—because shouting words at a dog won’t work. Dogs read body language. Defining “no” in ways your dog can actually understand—sometimes different in different contexts.

Where “Positive Only” Gets Misunderstood

Modern reward-based training is wonderful for teaching new skills: come when called, walk on a lead, lie down, sit, stay. We use it every day. But there are times when you need a kind interruption and a clear boundary—for safety, manners and calm living.

Too often the internet (and yes, a fair bit of AI-generated advice) recycles the same ideas: scatter food, toss treats for “enrichment”, throw titbits to distract your dog from other dogs, jumping up, grabbing sleeves—the list goes on. Used without thought, it becomes lazy training: at best it teaches your dog to look everywhere but at you, at worse they start to treat you like a slot machine that pays them for unwanted behaviours. Never learning what not to do, and never learning how to switch off.

Reward is powerful. But reward without structure misplaced can be destructive to our relationships.

What a Calm “No” Looks Like (In Dog Language)

A fair “no” isn’t about fear, force or frustration. It looks and feels like:

• Stillness instead of escalation – you look away or leave the room.

• Spatial communication – you adjust your position to block, guide through closed body language, no eye contact, no hand touching or speaking.

• Clear, simple actions – closing a door, removing access to a sofa, pausing the game.

• Predictable consequences – the thing stops when the behaviour starts

This is the language dogs read naturally. It’s calm, honest and consistent.

When “Yes” Teaches and “No” Protects

Teaching (mostly positive):New skills, confidence building, focus, recall, lead walking, handling, grooming, retrieve, stays, mat work. We pay, praise and play.

Protecting (by creating boundaries with repetition and consistency): Door-dashing, jumping on guests, pestering, counter-surfing, chasing wildlife, hyper activity, stealing, rough play that tips into manic. We interrupt, limit access,

Neither approach cancels the other. Together, they create balance—a dog who understands both what does earn good things, and what doesn’t. The difference between yes and no.

Correctly placed and timed rewards are critical to training!

Why This Feels Kinder (To You and Your Dog)

• Less noise, more trust. Dogs find calmness and confidence relaxing.

• Fewer bribes, more relationship. Food remains a powerful tool, not a crutch.

• Real-life safety. Boundaries protect your dog from their impulses and the world’s risks.

• A calmer home. Clear rules reduce arguments—between humans and species.

What We Stand For at thedogcalmer

Our training isn’t for everyone—and that’s okay. If you want:

• Mostly positive, always thoughtful use of reward

• Always fair, handling

• Clear explanations of the “why”, not just the “how”

• Realistic goals (we won’t promise to change a dog’s very nature)

• Honest support—we listen to what you want and back you 100%

…then you’ll feel at home with us.

We don’t chase quick fixes or gimmicks. We build skills, soothe nervous systems, and help you and your dog live together in a way that feels calm, connected and kind.

If this speaks to your heart, we’d love to help. Join a class, book a one-to-one, or ask about Train & Stay. We’ll meet you where you are, and walk with you—quietly, kindly—towards the life you imagined with your dog.

With warmth,Avril & Carolinethedogcalmer